homecoming |
a short film
I wanted to create a short film that told a story without words, but I wasn't sure how. I had no plan, no idea how I was going to do that, but I started shooting. And little by little, it perfectly fell into place.
The underlying story here is that I was looking for something, but didn't know what I was looking for. After following that feeling, I eventually came to learn that I was actually the thing I was looking for. Depicting this with all of the imagery, the shadows on the walls, the shadow right next to me, showing that the thing I was looking for was actually always there, I just wasn't seeing it.
Until I continued the search, and eventually met myself in the final frame.
A letter to my self
I spent 3 months with this video on my desk, halfway edited. 3 months of procrastinating. 3 months of fear.
Fear of expressing this idea. Fear of vulnerability. Fear of not creating it exactly how I saw it in my mind. But there was also the fear of facing myself. The fear of looking at little me for hours. And I lost count of how many times I cried while editing this.
How many times I cried just trying to select moments to use for this video. How many times I cried just playing it back, looking for things to change. And in this process, it uncovered another fear that I had. The fear of not expressing this idea to the fullest. Or it not being felt by you the same way that it makes me feel.
But what a silly fear. How could you possibly feel the same way that I feel about little me? You can't. But I projected that onto you in an attempt to justify my fear of creating. My fear of expression. Do I think it's perfect? No. Do I think that it turned out how I wanted it to? I'm still not sure. Do I think that this entire project has been a leap in my growth as a human? Absolutely.
I realized that, it's not about the video. It was never about the video. It's about me following the inspiration of an idea and seeing it through, whether it turns out exactly how I want it to or not. It's about me letting go of that judgmental voice in my mind that's never satisfied. It's about me choosing to express my thoughts and ideas for the love of the game, and not in an attempt to gain from it. Because the only thing that I can truly gain from creating, is trust. Being able to trust in myself that I will do what I say I'm going to do, and I will see it through to the end, whether it makes you cry or not. And I learned that's what really matters. The expression of ideas, simply for the love of the game.
you should have your life figured out |
a short film
Somewhere along the way, we were told that we needed to figure it out. That we need to chase certainty. But the truth is, no one has it figured out. This video is for those who find themselves at the fork in the road that is "what am I going to do with my life?". For the high schooler getting ready to graduate, or the 25 year old who hasn't "figured it out yet". Or maybe you're going through a season of change and unknowns.
This one's for you. My teens and twenties have been filled with opinions from others. "You should do this", "You should do that". "You're gonna have to get a real job one day". And to that I say, it's a bunch of bullshit. I think being dragged around by God, the Universe, the Unknown, is better than being dragged around by a clock or calendar. Or even worse, the opinions of others.
Checking boxes because it's "what you're supposed to do." Working a job that isn't fulfilling for the sake of "it's what you're supposed to do." Fuck that. The unknown is scary. It's intimidating. But making it your friend can be incredibly powerful, and I can almost guarantee you that you will live a life worth living. Whatever that looks like to you. Know that whatever you're going through, it WILL pass. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it yet. Keep going. Life is beautiful if you let it be.